Diocesan Singles’ Ministry a model for the Episcopal Church

By Katerina Longfeld

A ‘best kept secret’ of the church

Solo Flight, ‘Quirkyalone,’ ‘Urban Tribes’ and ‘Unwilling Celibates’

“How long has Solo Flight existed?” the woman asked.  Enjoying the fellowship of an attractive group of men and women who appeared to range in age from mid-thirties to mid-fifties, give or take a year or five – following the annual Palm Sunday Liturgy of Healing and Wholeness and Blessing of Singularity at St. Michael’s, Lexington, the long-time Episcopalian was perplexed when told that the ministry had not only been in existence, but leading the Episcopal Church in ministry with single adults for 15-plus years.

Single adults in the Diocese of Lexington enjoy a variety of activities, including a Labyrinth Worship. Advocate File Photo

“Why didn’t I know about it?” she queried.

It’s a question that some single adults are beginning to ask more urgently in a time when headlines in both the religious and secular worlds are focused noisily on “protection of marriage” as the only acceptable norm in American culture, while their realities are spawning book titles such as “The Unwilling Celibates,” “Flying Solo,” “Urban Tribes,” and the newest — “Quirkyalones.” It’s a valid question for this population whether they are recovering from broken relationships, seeking or open to relationships, or, like the quirkyalones and urban tribes, quite happy with their singular estate and their “funny families” of friends.

It’s a question members of the Diocesan Singles’ Commission have been asking, as they seek representation from every parish in the Diocese.  It’s a question Linda Wardle of St. John’s, Versailles, tries to solve every day as she diligently updates her e-mail list to keep single adults informed of monthly activities where companionship, fun and support are the order of the day, with people who share values and the common bond of the Episcopal Church. It’s a question Wardle and Mark Herbert, of Ascension, Frankfort, both Diocesan Commission members, hope to answer through visits to every congregation and clergy person in the Diocese of Lexington  to see how the Commission can assist local congregations in ministry with single adults. It’s a question the Rev. David Perkins, staff member for Solo Flight national conference for single adults (begun in the Diocese of Lexington and held at Kanuga Conference Center in Hendersonville, NC), has taken to heart and on-line (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/soloflightepis/). It’s the question Dr. Kay Collier McLaughlin, Director of Ministries with Single Adults in the Diocese of Lexington and head of Solo Flight nationally, addresses regularly in leadership training, workshops, conferences and retreats locally and across the Church.

	Opportunities for fellowship are an important part of ministries with single adults. Advocate File Photo

“It seems a no-brainer to me,” McLaughlin states, obviously geared to educate those in the church who don’t seem to ‘get it’ regarding singles, and to advocate for a population she sees as still ‘tragically under recognized and underserved.’  “The statistics are clear; nearly half of the adult population of the United States over the age of 25 is now single.  Most of that population is not in any church, because most churches program, preach and teach as if the world is coupled and married.  The current political and religious emphasis on marriage as the only norm is a disservice to the always single, the divorced and the widowed — to many remarkable people living beautiful lives without any cultural or religious support in the way of programs, rituals and guidelines.”

The most important thing to the Commission members who were busily seeing that those who had come to the unique Palm Sunday service felt welcomed and engaged, is that single people in the Diocese of Lexington are the fortunate ones who do have resources for living healthy, productive single lives – and they want this information as widely circulated in congregations and communities as possible.  The Diocese of Lexington has been a pioneer in ministry with single adults in the Episcopal Church since before the Diocesan Convention of 1987 created the first Diocesan Singles’ Commission. McLaughlin worked with the Very Rev. Jim Burns, Dean of Christ Church Cathedral, and the Rt. Rev. Don A. Wimberly to establish a holistic program that addressed the spiritual, educational, emotional, social and recreational needs of single adults.  It is a model that she wrote about in a 1985 book for Alban Institute (Single in the Church), and is called upon to help other dioceses and parishes emulate across the church.  It is a ministry that Bishop Stacy Sauls called “one of the things that caught my attention and very much interested me” about the Diocese of Lexington. Bishop Sauls, who celebrated, preached and blessed the single adults on Sunday evening, is a strong supporter of the ministry, both locally and nationally.  While Collier McLaughlin chairs the commission and serves as resource person for the ministry, the work of ministry — including educating and advocating — involves single men and women of the Diocese of Lexington who are passionate about the Episcopal churches embracing this ministry in action as well as in the appointment of a commission.

Members of the Diocesan Commission on Ministries with Single Adults meet on a quarterly basis, and seek representation from all congregations in the Diocese. Advocate File Photo

After eighteen years as a single woman, Collier McLaughlin re-married two and a half years ago. “People immediately began asking me, ‘what’s going to happen to Solo Flight?’  The question gave me the opportunity to say, ‘Oh, did you think this was about personal need?  I thought it was about ministry!’” Correcting the misconception that ministry with single adults is a dating/mating service or dedicated to getting single people married is a major priority for commission members.  Hang around the commission members for a little while, and some interesting facts will emerge — such as learning that the “state of singularity” has its own “issues and developmental tasks.” This is a pretty forthright group of people, who understand that life doesn’t always follow an expected path, even for Christians — and are as able to discuss hard topics as they are to have fun together.

Meeting at the Solo Flight National and Diocesan Office at St. Peter’s, Paris, for its post-convention session, the Singles’ Commission welcomed new members Beth Bell and Linda Smith of St. Raphael’s, Lexington; Kristin McClanahan of St. Michael’s, Lexington, and Janet Parker, of Holy Trinity, Georgetown.  New members join a commission with membership from northern, eastern and central areas of the Diocese — a group which has a goal of contact persons in every congregation.  An exercise which tapped into what areas of single life members are passionate about serving as diocesan leaders, brought a three-pronged priority list, with several activities already on the calendar:

• Care, connecting and recovery
• Leadership training for leadership in the congregations; education and advocacy among clergy
• Spiritual and educational programming to enhance social/recreational calendar

	Solo Flight at Kanuga was “born” in the Diocese of Lexington, and annually brings single adults from across the United States to the North Carolina conference center. Solo Flight File Photo

The bi-annual Divorce Recovery weekend small group intensive, “Re-writing my story” (confidential setting with professional leadership) will be held Friday evening, May 7, from 5:30 - 9:30, and Saturday, May 8, from 9 – 4, at St. Peter’s, Paris.  The fee of $50 will cover materials and meals. Pre-registration ($25 payable to the Diocese of Lexington, memo Solo Flight) may be mailed to Solo Flight, Box 610, Lexington, KY 40588.  For further information, contact Dr. Collier McLaughlin at 859-252-6527 or kcollierm@diolex.org. Registration is limited, and will be accepted on a first-come, first-served basis.

The Diocesan Solo Flight Commission will assist Jesse Marke and the Cathedral Art Gallery as hosts for the June Downtown Gallery Hop in Lexington on Friday, June 18. Volunteers are needed to bring refreshments and to be on-site between the hours of 5-8 p.m.  Those who are interested may contact Collier McLaughlin as listed above.

Announcements of activities are sent to congregations monthly in the electronic Diocesan News with requests for inclusion in parish newsletters and bulletins. Those who wish to answer for themselves the question — how CAN I know — and let other single adults know — about this pioneering ministry should send their name, parish, address, telephone number and e-mail to kcollierm@diolex.org to receive all singles’ information.

Solo Flight in the Diocese of Lexington, and Solo Flight nationally is committed to the population that they refuse to get lost in the current cultural and religious wars — the always single, the divorced and widowed — by choice or by circumstance — flying adventurously alone, unwillingly celibate, in urban tribes and funny families or quirkily (happily) alone.